Less than zero

I’m in a tight spot. I thought I was in a tight spot before but I wasn’t really, it was a false tight spot. The “Pitching the World” (ridiculous) experiment is rapidly becoming undone.

First, the company that I used to work for has informed me (repeatedly) that they want the computer that I stole from them returned. I enjoyed stealing that computer and if I had my way it would remain stolen, but I fear I may have to give it back. Giving the stolen computer back would put a serious dent in my future (ridiculous) pitching. That said,  I’ve worked without a computer before. For the first year I spent working as a freelance journalist I would write in libraries, or borrow computers from friends, or work in the evenings in my wife’s office but although that sounds romantic on paper, it was far from ideal.

Second, I split my head open at the weekend falling up some stairs when drunk. There are some benefits to this. For example, when I’m out with my wife and bump into someone I know who asks “What happened to your head?” I can reply “I fell down…I mean up some, um, stairs” whilst glancing at my wife in a terrified fashion. Funny, I know. But there are downsides: I can’t think properly and may have concussion and this fuzzy thinking is made fuzzier by the thought that I may have to give back the stolen computer that is integral to my livelihood. Perhaps I should stop stealing things. And, I suppose, getting drunk. The thing is it’s only the theft and the drink that’s keeping me alive these days.

Pitches? No, some other time – tomorrow possibly. I know it’s always some other time but it’s murder out here at the moment and I just don’t want to drag all my regular readers down. I might be getting somewhere though. Might be.

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5 responses to “Less than zero

  1. Gaby van den Berg

    I have repeatedly been trying to contact you regarding return of the mac you took with you. You know it is [name deleted] property, and we have been monitoring your blog for some time. Please return it so that we do not have to take more drastic measures.

  2. That’s MY Mac. Back off Van den Berg

  3. Look he needs it for good. You will only use it for evil. Why not let him just have it?

  4. This blog is really quite amusing actually. Who is this Van Den Berg? Sounds like a muscle-bound action film hero, I wouldn’t mess with him or this [name deleted] lot. Throw the computer in the Thames before they can get it, and claim it slipped accidentally.

  5. Tell them not to mess with the 149,900th most visited website in the UK. Your fanbase is becoming an army.

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