The one that didn’t get away

Below is a pitch that worked and is one of my better ones. What this says about me, I’m not sure. The feature should run this week (and the content should be familiar to regular readers/Alan) but unfortunately not in one of the 642 magazines in the W&A Yearbook. I don’t need to point out that this experiment is on the verge of going very wrong:

I’ve got a lot going on at the moment. I’m pitching each of the 642 magazines listed in the Writers’ & Artists’ Yearbook as some sort of certain-to-fail experiment. I’m writing a play for Radio 4 about a pair of Arctic explorers. I have my regular writing gigs to keep up with. And a blog. I’ve also, ridiculously, just set myself up as a painter and decorator.

On top of this my wife wants me to start going swing dancing with her on Monday nights. Tuesdays and Thursdays I play football. I’m hoping next week to start mixed martial arts on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Frankly, and as hackneyed as it sounds, there really aren’t enough hours in the day.

So I’ve decided to create a few more of them. In a sense, at least. From this weekend I’m going to try out the superman sleep cycle to see if it can get me through this unusually productive period of my life. For (initially) two weeks I’m going to sleep for 20 minutes every four hours, giving me 22 hours a day to write, play football, paint, dance, fight or whatever the hell else I need to do.

I’ll visit a doctor before and during the experiment and keep a diary of my experiences. Will I be more creative and efficient or will the lack of sleep be counterproductive? Will my weight balloon because I spend all my time eating or will I burn off loads more calories? Will I become depressed? Go mad? Hallucinate? Or will it be the best thing I’ve ever stumbled upon?

Do you think this could work somewhere? As well as diary entries I think it might be an idea to pepper the whole account of instances where this or similar experiments have worked (in the military, for example) and look into the 24 hour culture/lifestyle that we are on the verge of creating in this country.

I’ve written a reasonable amount of health-based stuff (and first person stuff) before and will gladly send clippings if you’re interested.


2 responses to “The one that didn’t get away

  1. Where did you pitch this? And what has happened to Alan? Thats what I wanna know.

  2. We all want to know what’s happened to Alan. Because he’s sharper and funnier than I am, I was thinking of pretending he was my alter ego and that this blog was just a vehicle for my/his brilliant comments. Not to be though.

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