Football pitch

Snappy title, no? No? Anyway, no time to write my usual, half-cooked “look at me I’ve had loads to drink” schtick, but the football thing was commissioned this afternoon so I thought I’d stick the pitch up. 

More pitches to follow. Suspect more of my schtick to follow too. 

His Name

At the dog-end of last week I emailed each of the 92 clubs in the football league asking for a trial, pointing out that I had been ‘deliberately saving my legs for a twilight career’. So far, 21 have replied but I’m waiting until a few more trickle in before I go through them all. I did have a peek at one reply yesterday, from Ron Bone at Middlesborough, who said they had to give me credit for my approach but that there was ‘no way’ they would give a trial to a 34 year old.
So far, so predictable. Or perhaps not: I thought the replies would be generic and negative, and just seeing that one personal email has given me hope. If just one club offers me a trial, or the possibility of one, I think it would make a great feature. Even if not, it still might, allowing me to write about the scouting system, the relationships between clubs and fans (and potential trialists), and how, despite many of us thinking otherwise, there’s little hope of a man in his 30’s being picked up by a professional club.
Might be an idea to illustrate with examples of footballers who have been spotted late on – Ian Wright immediately springs to mind.
Reckon this has – wait for it; actually don’t – legs? 




4 responses to “Football pitch

  1. Well blow me down, this just keeps getting better. Great news about the success of the football pitch. Let us know if you get a trial anywhere and I’ll bring a crew down to cheer you on. Not Alan though – who is this jerk off? He should curl up on the pavement and smoke fags, and we’ll sit on him. (No, I didn’t miss out the H.) Can’t wait to see more of your schtick. Keep it coming Pitchingtheworld, we’re all behind you, like in that Rocky movie when he’s running through the streets.

  2. That’s more schtick than you can shake a stick at

  3. Well Alan, I’d like to see you try and be a writer. Don’t knock it if you can’t do it yourself. He’s doing a good job here. You’re just jealous.

  4. Who’s knocking? I nominated this fucker for blog of the year. I’ll knock you out

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