A Caveat

Now, yesterday when I said: “I’ll also be updating my progress daily (possibly twice daily – actually no way) from now on. This shit just got real” I meant it as a joke. Okay, I didn’t really, but in retrospect it seems a little hasty. For example, it’s now about 20 minutes away from the end of the day and I haven’t felt inclined to update anything, as there’s precious little to update. I’ve worked on features and smoked (yet not drank – a miracle) and that’s about all. Hardly worth posting then, except to keep a promise for at least one day, and also to say I will be posting more regularly but only when there’s at least a wisp of something to report. There’s no point just doing this: quoting part of yesterday’s post and then banging on about pretty much nothing.

Agreed? Good. This shit just got real again.

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18 responses to “A Caveat

  1. Unreal more like. If this blog is anything, it’s unreal.

  2. Dear oh Dear,

    I used to be a bit like that – feeling I had nothing much to say really.

    But now I have so much I want to write about (several million words probably) that it is an impossible task.

    Take today. A sudden fit of botheration has hit me and I have half a dozen different stories for my blog which are the result of some quite ordinary and everyday experiences today.

    I probably won’t get paid for any of them either !

    But there we are. I just have to get them off my mind because they are eating away at my brain producing extreme indignation and that botheration I mentioned earlier.

    In my early teenage schooldays I had a diary which I felt ought to have something in it. So, day after day I wrote ‘rien’ thinking that use of French sufficiently clever to justify my total lack of intellect or literary ability.

    But nowadays, I can earnestly tell other people that a good writer can make an account of paint drying really interesting; at least interesting enough for people to read.

    Get out a bit. Go to Sainsburys.

    They will never fail to give you plenty to write about.

    That is one of my stories today (it will also be a letter of complaint I am reluctantly obliged to send to Sainsburys anyway).

    I won’t be able to write this until much later/tomorrow/whatever , but it will get to my blog and I hope it might amuse you and other readers.

    Or perhaps, if you think about more deeply, it should seriously alarm you as it shows how Big Brother is turning us into a revoltingly Totalitarian State full of moronic chavs creating a life to be lived entirely by form filling bureaucracy combined with a continuous stream of mindlessly vicious State sponsored aggression from brainless idiots.

  3. I like having you here Boz, you’re fun. Perhaps, when you have a moment, you could share your letter of complaint. I used to complain loads and spent a lot of time writing letters and in return got cartons of cigarettes, chocolate bars, drill bits, free train tickets – anything really that I complained about. They were good days, Boz. Heady, but good.

  4. Wow, Boz is intense!

  5. Omelette du Fromage

    Looks like Boz is using your comments section for his own blogging. You’d better watch out!

  6. I used the latin word ‘qua’, meaning ‘in the character or capacity of’, in my UCL masters degree application form. I used it because I thought they’d think that I was intelligent. They let me in, but they must have thought I was a total knob. On induction day the course leader must have been looking out for me, wondering who the twat was who used ‘qua’ in his application form. I’ll keep an eye on him, he thought. Have you ever had any similar experiences pitchingtheworld?

  7. My dear Omelette du Fromage,

    You must be suffering from the most terrible paranoia.

    It must be too much cheese in your brain or something.

    Get yourself to a psychiatrist quickly before something really ghastly happens to you. You obviously need help badly.

    I mean, you might suddenly take it into your mind that your local town is full of snipers hiding everywhere and just waiting to shoot you or something like that.

    You’ll only end up being shot dead by real police snipers who are always looking for any excuse to shoot random members of the public dead , viz: non-terrorist and ordinary tube traveller Charles De Mendezes in London not long ago.

    Now, crazy as that sniper idea sounds, I am actually quoting a real life story whereby a person I know very well and is suffering from very bad schizophrenia stayed with me recently, but felt they had to leave prematurely because they did indeed think my town was full of snipers waiting to shoot them dead.

    Their thought process was based entirely on walking back from the corner shop nearby and seeing a child playing with a toy gun clearly made a of plastic.

    They went back to the safety of their securely locked mental hospital before things got out of hand again.

    I’d lay off that cheese if I was you. It is well know for doing the strangest things to people sometimes.

  8. You’re on the money there Dominho.

  9. Dominho,

    Yeah, your dead right I’m a bit intense right now. That day of botheration I had yesterday was pretty spectacular. And it did leave me feeling pretty intense after doing my head in completely !

    In fact I am still incoherent and positively juddering with rage and frustration at various inter-connected events – all related..

    – 1 My dear 11 year old son; but just a typical everyday story of very awkward sub-teenage behaviour, not a big deal or out the ordinary at all. But unbalancingly nerve jangling and enraging never-the-less !

    – 2 A little incident in Sainburys; utterly astonishing, and demanding lots of subsequent, time wasting attention, possibly leading to legal action and/or media publicity. Most definitely a rage inducing brain juddering experience which was utterly, utterly surreal.

    – 3 A completely extraordinary letter to me from the Head Mistress of my 11 year old son’s school containing obvious and utterly unfounded abuse and threats, literally threats , directed towards me personally. It is an astonishingly poisonous letter and may well erupt into a nuclear explosion if I have my way.

    – 4 Then, just to help me actually keep my sanity and remind me that no, I am not becoming paranoid and suffering delusions of all sorts myself, but that these things are really happening in this lunatic country of ours, and it is not all a figment of my imagination, there was this item on the evening news relating to David Cameron’s Policy Aide, Steven Hilton.

    How on earth could this be connected with me and my experiences here ? Read on and find out.

    The news channel was gleefully explaining how David Cameron was suffering an election setback because his friend of 20 years and close policy aide Steven Hilton had been discovered to have – OOOooooooooooh – a criminal record.

    Wow !

    Cameron faces more sleaze ending in total election defeat. Cor Blimey Gov, what are things coming to. Criminals being chosen as policy aides to future Prime Minister David Cameron.

    We can’t have that kind of thing going on in public life now, can we ?

    This must now mean David Cameron is just too corrupt in surrounding himself with criminals as advisers and aides to lead the next Government, mustn’t it ?

    Well, errrr no, actually.

    The facts of this ‘criminal record’ are these:

    David Cameron Policy Aide Steve Hilton bought a return ticket from London to Birmingham for a meeting. On finishing his Birmingham meeting he had to immediately dash like a bat out of hell back to the station to return as quickly as possible to London for another vital meeting.

    He was in a bit of a hurry then.

    Criminal intent visible here yet ? No, I don’t think so.

    But then Steve Hilton arrived at the station ticket barrier with his train about to leave. He might make it still if he sprinted like hell.

    Rules are rules though. It’s more than any ticket checking, dim-witted peasant’s job’s worth to let a man in a pinstriped business suit clutching his very important looking briefcase, pass by in an obvious panic to dash onto the train before he missed it, without checking his ticket first.

    Steve Hilton breathlessly explained he didn’t have time to fish his ticket out or he would miss his train and he had a vital meeting to attend in London with the Prime Minister.

    NO, not good enough for Mr job’s worth dim-witted, box ticking, moron ticket checker.

    Dickhead.

    Dimwit, bureaucracy obsessed ticket collector, being utterly devoid of any hint of initiative, simply had to woodenly obey ‘the rules’ his ‘training’ had imposed on him.

    Mr Hilton would just have to stop, spend ages fishing his ticket out from where it was buried amongst hundreds of bits of other detritous, and hand it over to the ticket inspector to peer at slowly to make sure all the silly little details were fully taken in and Mr Hilton could only then be trusted with actually telling the truth that he did, indeed, have a valid ticket.

    It just wasn’t possible under ‘the rules’ for Mr dimwit ticket collector to believe Mr Hilton without seeing the ticket. He might well be lying. It must be assumed that everyone is lying until Mr dimwit ticket collector actually sees their tickets. That’s what his training says.

    That’s the way it is everywhere in this country now – thanks to the miasma of the suffocating culture of deceit and lies our poisonous Labour Government of fourteen endlessly tedious years has inflicted on us.

    My, he might a be a criminal and Mr Hilton could simply be someone trying to travel without a ticket. Rules are rules. Everyone has to obey them to make sure no-one isn’t trying to steal the price of a ticket from the railway company.

    Everyone is now assumed to be a criminal under the diktat of the Totalitarian Labour Idiots governing us. That’s what this bunch of thieves running our country have made everybody think after fourteen years of their hellish brainwashing of the entire population.

    So, as the ‘Elf’N’Safety gnomes have instructed Mr Dimwit ticket collector to shout or radio for immediate help from the little private army of sinisterly dressed ‘security’ thugs now routinely employed by almost every organisation to intimidate and bully everyone who doesn’t cower meekly under the hatchet faced sterness of ‘authority’ and ‘the rules’; that is what happened next.

    At about this point Steve Hilton was really losing patience as things seemed to be hurtling through some sort of worm hole into a parallel Universe of surreal stupidity.

    So exasperated Mr Hilton called this incredibly idiotic ticket inspector a wanker.

    Oh Dear. This is grounds for a criminal record when you are propelled through a wormhole into the parallel Universe by the politically correct forces of Totalitarian Labour party induced surreal socialism.

    The Police were summoned. Mr Hilton was promptly arrested for ‘breaching the peace’ (for calling the odious ticket collector a wanker). The police apparently issued Mr Hilton with an instant on-the-spot £80 fine (yet another invention of those Labour Government control freaks to help beat the population into submission). Mr Hilton was then ‘de-arrested’ and sent on his way.

    But now Mr Hilton has a ‘criminal record’. This, apparently, in this lunatic society we now all live in, means David Cameron is clearly unfit to be elected as the next Prime Minister.

    Oh Dear !

    It seems we’re stuck with the one eyed idiot Gormless Gordon as Prime Minister again after the next election.

    Hurrah ! Victory again for the hordes of Chavs poisoning every nook and cranny of life in the United Kingdom today!

    Incidents like this are taking place every day all over the country as dim witted, ill educated idiots are given powers by bureaucratic, mentally retarded spastics taking their lead from a completely evil and very dangerous government. Constructed on the premises of jealousy, envy, control freakery and suspicion; deceit and corruption in every nook and cranny of the horrendous State we now live in.

  10. Christopher Goodfellow

    Jesus.

  11. I think maybe Pitchingtheworld should pass some legislation banning ‘Boz’ from leaving comments longer than actual Pitchingtheworld posts. It’s diluting the content, like the silver and gold tickets at the end of the Crystal Maze. Boz, you are silver tickets.

  12. eek!
    I don’t need to read that length of comment so early on a Saturday morning. Easy Boz, you don’t want to scare us real slackers off our favourite blog.

  13. Crikey. I leave this blog for a day or so and look what I’ve come back to? Boz has got a point, this country is a ludicrous place full of crazy bureaucracy and numbskull jobsworths, but seriously, is this the place for such a loquacious rant?

    Dude. You need to breathe!

    Ease up on pitchingtheworld. He’s got a lot of pitches to make.

  14. Interesting that so many people seem to object to my long posts either because:

    – They are too long
    – are loquacious rants
    – diluting content (what could that mean ?)
    – intense
    – somehow doing something dreadful to poor old pitching the world by putting too much pressure on him or something. Hmmmmn I wonder what that means too ?

    I’m positively surprised people haven’t lambasted me for abusing the one eyed idiot as well. You have missed a trick there.

    At least all this shows that my writing does what it is supposed to do – touch people’s emotions and get the message across.

    But why should you lot complain just because a post is too long ? Don’t read it you fools, if it too much effort.

    And if you think my writing touches nerves then that is exactly what it is supposed to do and would be a failure if it didn’t. But why complain about that.

    You may disagree with what I think and may have opposing views, but trying to shut me or any other person up because you don’t like what they write is quite extraordinary.

    This is how totalitarian States of the worst kind are born. Exactly that kind of intolerance.

    I mean, it is intolerance, isn’t it ?

  15. Well, roger me senseless with a prize-winning leek. You are right Boz, pitchingtheworld is perilously close to giving birth to a totalitarian state. Of the worst kind. Pitchingtheworld, has this been your aim all along? Have you been having us on? Exeunt.

  16. Boz is on to us! Now our dream of a New World Order may never happen. Ooh, if it weren’t for those meddling kids etc…

  17. Yep, you’ve got me. I’m trying to run the world – a horribly oppressive world – in my dressing gown from a flat in Hackney. It’s not working out too well so far: I had to scrabble around down the back of sofas and in the bottom of my wife’s handbags earlier to scrape the money together for ten growlers (cigarettes, not the other kind). Still, pitchingtheworld is nothing if not full of hope.
    Anyone else missing Boz? I am.

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