How to Land a Book Deal: Part Two

The cries of “And what is that unusual approach?” have become too much for pitchingtheworld. If you don’t know what I mean by this, then I suggest you read “How to Land a Book Deal: Part One”. It’s an illuminating example of a writer giving the impression that he knows what he is talking about, whilst simultaneously promising a future (and the future is now) in which the reader will learn much about the intricacies involved in getting a book deal. At least I think that’s what is about. I haven’t read back over it.

Such an approach is typical of Pitching the World. I pretend I know what I’m talking about (when I don’t) and I promise things that will be of some use (I won’t do these things, and even if I did they wouldn’t be of any use) and in reality all I do is sort of fuck around amusing myself and a (dwindling) few others.

Still, book deals. Or rather, a book deal. My idea was a bold one. Instead of following the chump-like way of sending off a synopsis and three sample chapters to a publisher/agent and waiting for pretty much nothing, I thought if I could actually spend time with a publisher/agent, then I would be able to persuade said publisher/agent to consider publishing or representing a book based on the Pitching the World debacle. But I wanted a lot of time with someone, a few days or a week.

“But how on earth could you manage that?” I hear you cry. Quite simple really: I sent out an email to around a dozen publishers and a dozen agents saying that I wanted to spend some time with their slush (or submissions) pile, as I was writing a feature about the publishing process. Clever, no (and true: I am writing a feature on the publishing industry). And so far it’s worked: I spent two days at a literary agents last week (it was an eye opener) and have a couple more agents and publishers lined up.

“Wow, that’s brilliant pitchingtheworld. I’d like to hear more about that. Can I?” I hear you cry. Damn right you can. In fact, you can hear – and read – more about it in “How to Land a Book Deal: Part Three” which we be available soon. As soon as I write it. “But surely such golden information is worth loads, you can’t just give it away for free” I hear you cry. Well I can. And I will. On here. Soon. 

They say the best things in life are free. Well, in Pitching the World’s case, the worst things in life are free too.


3 responses to “How to Land a Book Deal: Part Two

  1. This is not Bingo, just so we’re clear on that. This is a different me: a new one.

    Did you manage to persuade said publisher/agent about your book? Or did you spectacularly fail to talk with him/her about anything other than how your wife is usurping your position of pre-eminent writer in the household? Did you manage to get her a book deal perhaps?

    PTW – I really am at my wits end with you.

    H.G. Wells wrote a short book at the end of his career called Mind at the End of Its Tether. I quote from it, with heavy allusion to your sphere of operation. Feel free to read into it what you will (Hint: you don’t need to go too far below the surface):

    “After all the present writer has no compelling argument to convince the reader that he should not be cruel or mean or cowardly. Such things are also his own make-up in a large measure, but none the less he hates and fights against them with all his strength. He would rather our species ended its story in dignity, kindliness and generosity, and not like drunken cowards in a daze or poisoned rats in a sack. But this is a matter of individual prediliction for everyone to decide for himself.”

  2. H.G. Wells can predilict my balls. I am looking forward to how this clandestine operation turns out or trickles down.

    What are your tactics now that you are on the inside? Will you conquer them and the book deal with your superior foot massage skills or will you ‘forget’ some of your finest prose in the company lavatory?

    Best of luck!

  3. “H.G. Wells can predilict my balls” – this is precisely the sort of comment I’ve longed for on here Pleonasty. Stick around yeah.

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