Inspired title, no? It’s okay, I know it’s not, but it’s late on Friday and I’m heady and distracted. As regular readers will know, as soon as Friday evening starts rearing it’s lovely head I like to get drunk and stay drunk until late Sunday evening. It’s a lifestyle choice.
So, yes, today I turned down a commission. I don’t often turn down commissions. In fact, I don’t often turn down anything. If you offered me a drink, I’d take it. If you offered me a cigarette, I’d smoke it. If you asked me to come around and do some work on your garden or perform an erotic striptease, then I probably would. Incidentally, you’d like the way I strip. If I wasn’t so focussed on the award-winning there’s-no-way-this-is-going-to-fuck-up Pitching the World then I’d become a stripper.
The point is, I like to do favours for people. The other point is, I often don’t think about things, just do them. Normally, as happened today, if an editor contacts me out of the blue and offers me £200 for 350 words to write something that would probably take less time to write than this post then I’d jump at them. Do a little striptease first, then jump at them.
But not today. I was asked to write about my marriage and as my wife and I are discussing our divorce arrangements, it just felt wrong. And a bit cheap. So I said no. Yet shortly after saying no, I walked past a hinky pawnshop in Boscombe. “Loans” said the sign. “From £1-10,000”, it carried on saying. Now, I remember seeing that sign when I was a £3 a word man. Remember that? I’m not sure if I mentioned it. I remember seeing that sign when I was a £3 a word man and thinking “Ha! What sort of idiot would go in there to borrow a pound?”
Well, if things don’t improve over the next couple of weeks then this sort of idiot will be going in there to borrow a pound. Perhaps I should stop turning down commissions.