Turning Down Work

Inspired title, no? It’s okay, I know it’s not, but it’s  late on Friday and I’m heady and distracted. As regular readers will know, as soon as Friday evening starts rearing it’s lovely head I like to get drunk and stay drunk until late Sunday evening. It’s a lifestyle choice.

So, yes, today I turned down a commission. I don’t often turn down commissions. In fact, I don’t often turn down anything. If you offered me a drink, I’d take it. If you offered me a cigarette, I’d smoke it. If you asked me to come around and do some work on your garden or perform an erotic striptease, then I probably would. Incidentally, you’d like the way I strip. If I wasn’t so focussed on the award-winning there’s-no-way-this-is-going-to-fuck-up Pitching the World then I’d become a stripper.

The point is, I like to do favours for people. The other point is, I often don’t think about things, just do them. Normally, as happened today, if an editor contacts me out of the blue and offers me £200 for 350 words to write something that would probably take less time to write than this post then I’d jump at them. Do a little striptease first, then jump at them.

But not today. I was asked to write about my marriage and as my wife and I are discussing our divorce arrangements, it just felt wrong. And a bit cheap. So I said no. Yet shortly after saying no, I walked past a hinky pawnshop in Boscombe. “Loans” said the sign. “From £1-10,000”, it carried on saying. Now, I remember seeing that sign when I was a £3 a word man. Remember that? I’m not sure if I mentioned it. I remember seeing that sign when I was a £3 a word man and thinking “Ha! What sort of idiot would go in there to borrow a pound?”

Well, if things don’t improve over the next couple of weeks then this sort of idiot will be going in there to borrow a pound. Perhaps I should stop turning down commissions.


4 responses to “Turning Down Work

  1. You have a wife?!

    Who is offering you these commissions? Why is nobody offering me commissions? God, I hate that you’re making every effort to convince everyone your life is a trainwreck and all I ever do is come here and feel jealous.


    Have a super weekend!

  2. Yeah, I’ve got loads of wives. I’m getting divorced from one of them soon. We split up last summer. I go on about it all the time. Where have you been? At a festival, no doubt.
    You’re fast becoming my literary nemesis Mr Webster.
    And nobody is offering you commissions because you don’t have a wife. Or wives. Get some.
    Have a splendid weekend! And, fuck it, have a good next week too!

  3. Pitchboy – it’s a matter of money, don’t go all “Higher morals than thou” on us.
    If you’re getting divorced and you’ll write the truth (as we know you always do), get scribbling. You know it makes sense . . . . . . and buys fags ‘n booze

  4. “Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one.” – Benjamin Franklin.
    “Money will come when you are doing the right thing.” – Michael Phillips.
    But who the hell is Michael Phillips? And who the hell is Benjamin Franklin? And who is to say they’re right?
    I was asked to go on the Vanessa show earlier today to talk about divorce. I turned that down too.

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