Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch

Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.

Albert Einstein said that. Good, isn’t he? Well I think he’s good. And, get this, the invisible piper has piped. Oh, he’s piped all right. Earlier, when I was opening the fridge in my associate’s house where I’ve been staying from time to time, I noticed something. I must have opened that fridge 40-50 times over the last week or so and not noticed the something that I have since noticed. Writers, apparently, are supposed to be observant. I’m not especially. If anything, I’m chronically under-observant. Good, isn’t it?

The point. The point is as I was opening the fridge earlier I noticed something. And I took a photo of it as some sort of ‘proof’ that I haven’t gone completely mad. I also took a photo of it to finally put to bed any thoughts I’ve had of becoming a professional photographer.

Anyway, here’s what I noticed. But be careful, it’s likely to blow your mind completely the hell apart:

Nuts, isn’t it? And spooky. What do you mean you can barely make it out? It says ‘Pitch’ six times. On flags, representing different parts of the world. And it’s on the fridge. That last bit may not matter.  But the piper is telling me to pitch – to pitch the world. And if the piper pipes – and he has, he definitely has – then I follow. First stop for today? Poultry World. To be honest, my pitch so far isn’t looking in great shape:

“Dear Poultry World Editor,

I’ll be honest: I don’t know a great deal about chickens. That’s not a good start, is it? And look, it gets worse: I know even less about poultry. (In fact, I just had to look up what poultry encompassed. Did you know that poultry includes not only chickens, turkeys, quails and the like, but also waterfowl and even pigeons and doves? Of course you do, you’re the editor of Poultry World.) However, although I may not know a huge amount about poultry, I am capable of…”

 What follows better be good. Wish me luck.

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7 responses to “Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch

  1. Peter Piper pitched a pack of potted pitches. You are Peter Piper. Pitch! Pitch! Pitch! etc.

    How about you pitch Poultry World a piece on the history of the ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’ joke? What was the first one? Which are the best ones? Why has the chicken crossing the road become such an important character in our national psyche (which it certainly has)?

    I am not a journalist.

  2. woah amazing about the fridge thingy (technical term)! consider my mind blown.
    CBx

  3. Great quote from Einstein and, surprisingly Pitchboy, I pretty much understand it, unlike the handy, pocket sized book by the same luminary that caught my eye in a junk shop at the weekend
    “Relativity – Einstein” says it’s spine, “Let’s have a look” says I.
    On opening what I initially thought would elevate me to ‘Relativity Knowledgeable’ status, I quickly grasped that a few years at a Secondary Modern school has not equipped me to understand what the fuck Einstein was talking about.
    Ho hum. Ask me about Carpentry

  4. Karl Webster – You may not be a journalist but you have a rare and fine mind. Thanks for the idea.
    CB – You too. I’m glad your rare and fine mind has been blown.
    Old B – Lovely stuff. I was a carpenter for a while in Waterloo, Ontario. Heady time, it was. I got sacked because of my inability to cope with ladders and because I kept laughing at my boss’s face when he hammered in nails. My other boss was a massive Neil Young fan (it was all he would listen to) and former heroin addict who would buy me steak and eggs every Friday morning. Like I say, heady times. I miss being a carpenter.

    • Keep your toolbelt handy Pitchboy, the world will always need carpenters. An honourable and worthwhile vocation.

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