Boscombe Revisited

So, I’m back in Boscombe. Of course I would end up back in Boscombe:  Ialwaysend up back in Boscombe. You probably knew I was coming back here before I did. What am I doing here? I’m working on a book. I’m drinking. Occasionally I read. That’s all I do.

“It seriously is though,” I was telling my brother over breakfast sometime last week. “I do nothing else: I read and write and drink and that’s it. Other than that, nothing. What else is there though? What else can I do? Canoeing? I wouldn’t know where to begin. You don’t even see canoes anymore do you? Or do you? Do you see canoes anymore?”

I could tell my brother wanted me to go on. I went on.

“What’s troubling is that this – here, now, over breakfast – is the first time that this has occurred to me. I’ve never realised before that I don’t do anything. Isn’t that odd?”

“You’ve told me all of this before,” said my brother. “Twice.”

“Really? Even the canoeing?”

“Not the canoeing.”

My thrilling ‘I do nothing’ speech was taking place in the restaurant of a London hotel. Later that day I headed down to Boscombe. I was hungover when I left and drunk when I arrived. How fitting, I thought. But I wasn’t drunk enough so proceeded to get drunker and the next day I was more hungover and so I got drunk again and this inelegant series of events continued quite possibly until sometime on Monday when I read and wrote and thought about canoes.

And that’s pretty much all I’ll be doing over the next eight weeks whilst I work on the book version of Pitching the World: read, write and drink. You know what, I may even curb the drinking. I suspect the drinking isn’t doing me as much good as I once thought. It helps with the pressure, of course. The pressure of distilling a few years of your life, career, marriage and so forth into eighty or ninety thousand words. The pressure of knowing that if you screw this up, if you fail to write a remarkable book then that’s it, you’ll probably give up writing and have nothing to fall back on (you do nothing, remember). Thrilling, though. The pressure, I mean. Perhaps I thrive under pressure. Will I thrive under pressure? Watch this canoe-shaped space.





12 responses to “Boscombe Revisited

  1. Yes we canoe!

  2. Lots of canoes near here…love going on them with my kids…good luck.with book!

  3. About fucking time pitchsex!

  4. Goodness, I am not alone in my drinking/reading/writing life cycle… Thank you!

  5. Hey if your constantly drunk and the book is a pile of shite, then great. Future reference: Use as an excuse for resulting drivel. On the flipside ( sorry about that, almost sounds like some pointless office bollocks speak) If your sober and write and the book is a pile of shite then think how painfully distressing that would be – fuck probably enough to turn oneself to drink!

  6. Indeed Phil. Some of the best writers wrote half-cut. Or at least they pretended to. Write drunk, revise sober, someone once sent. That does mean no excuses though. I trust your your/you’re debacle above was due to drink. It’s very early, I don’t know what I think I’m doing up this early. Happy Wednesday.

  7. Mart churchills

    I saw a canoe today, but it was in my morning bowl of coco pops. Does that still count? Cala d’or is not boring at all!

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